Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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