You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
