By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
