If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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