I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
