That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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