Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
