Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
