just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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