I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
