i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
