I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
