Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
