Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When are your genitals available?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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