the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
