my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
