Screwed.edu
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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