something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
