Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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