I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
