We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
false alarm. still invincible.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
