You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
