Farmville is her only friend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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