is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
