I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
