can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
