I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
