I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
