I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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