He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
