I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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