i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
