i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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