I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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