I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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