these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
