don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
