Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
