my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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