I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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