Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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