Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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