I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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