If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
