i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
are you so shy because you have an std?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
