Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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