what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and she was petting her beer can
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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