A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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