Sry I called you an 8
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
