they need to just BURY HIM!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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