I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
