she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
