Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
