Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
