How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
