Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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