So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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