just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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