I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
