Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
