Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
