fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
