If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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