Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
