So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
