I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
